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About Film & Animation / Student Kat/EzraUnknown Groups :iconwingsofcrippledglass: WingsofCrippledGlass
For SURVIVORS of sexual abuse.
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Critique by EpicStampsI always read my comments by Eceres
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Kedele: Disney Style by GabiSaKuRa

I've decided to try this again since the last one didn't go through. Original composed on Aug 23, 2014, 1:56:50 AM. For an attempt at a...

Afternoon on a Hill by GabiSaKuRa

Let me start by telling you what does work about this piece. The style and tone of the concept perfectly represents the inspiration you...

This piece is indeed a dark and thrilling read. I don't think I've come across a writing piece this thrilling here on dA to date. The v...

Manifesting Epiphanies by Identifyed-Khaos

I absolutely adore this shot and I completely agree with your description. This shot precisely captures and conveys what you wish to de...

Retribution by Identifyed-Khaos

You know, I really love your gallery. Your photos are captured well, in focus, very brightly coloured - just all around magnificent. Ho...

Fast4Families by GabiSaKuRa

Vision: Let me start by saying that you started out with a very strong idea of what you wanted to present, and judging by the final pie...

More Critiques

Selected Non-Premium Critiques:

Cuddles under the sheets by Dark-Crescent-Moon
Cuddles under the sheets
by Dark-Crescent-Moon


I promised a critique and here it is. I will try and not make this as long as the last one. ;)

First off, the detail to Randall's scales is insane. The colouring here is very nicely done.

You definitely are getting better at colouring/shading hair as well. Compared to past pieces of Danielle, this is probably the best hair you've done.

Overall, the character designs are strong and aren't washed out by the background; the characters are the centre of the image and that's where viewers' focus should be.

However, the background is probably the weakest point of this piece. While it doesn't have to overpower the drawing and the simplicity of the idea works, I feel you could have paid more attention to detail in, say the sheets on the bed given how much time you spent on character detail. The shading on the pillow is a little dull too. Although the structure of the blinds look just fine.

It's a shame too that you had to censor this piece. While the censoring is clean, Danielle's anatomy is so beautifully done I feel that it really adds so much to the atmosphere.

All in all, minus some minor improvements both pieces look good enough.

Che Burnett by Dark-Crescent-Moon
Che Burnett
by Dark-Crescent-Moon


(Sad to see how very little comments this received. :( ) I hope it's alright if I did the critique in this critique creator. It just helps me out a bit with evaluating. Also, Che's background in the description adds a lot to the overall judgment of how her design is supposed to look, so yes this really helps.

First off, her anatomy is fantastic. I can precisely tell she's part human and part monster before reading her character history. Her pose too is both sexy, intimidating (yes, you got it perfectly here! :clap:), and maybe even a bit vulnerable given the position of her arms compared to her dominating, wide stance (which tells us a lot about her). Her sly grin is equally sinister and also carries a bit of sex appeal, as if she's giving the viewer a ''come here'' suggestion. I don't think her grin would need to be wider; doing so may make her seem clownish and that may not be your intention so the size it is now is just fine because it's also uniquely feminine.

Her overall design is pretty decent from the colour choice to her assorted spots down to her adorned jewelery and her individual pose fits her personality. The values in the colouring is also nicely done but the colouring strokes could be a little smoother, especially with the highlights. Also, you could be a little more creative with her hairdo but I do like the colour and the length; I just feel it doesn't stand out as much as, say her anatomy.

And while there's nothing particularly ''wrong'' with the base colour chosen for the background, it's a bit dull compared to how vibrant the character is. It could contrast with the foreground by a level or two. It seems like it's just kind of ''there'' and should seem apart of the overall composition.

Overall, the character of Che is very fascinating and I'd love to see more of her whenever you can. Keep up the great work, dear! :thumbsup:

(I hope I got everything. If I missed anything that you're dying to know about, just let me know.)

May Kanker by Queen-Asante
May Kanker
by Queen-Asante



What you did here is you brought a very unique touch to a well-known fandom character. Drawn in your own, refreshing style it is a whole new look at the May Kanker we recognise and hopefully adore just as well. The colour choice suits the character to a tee and precisely emphasises the core of her personality, exactly what the viewers are looking for. The energy she engagingly delivers to her audience is nothing short of appealing! Also, the amount of detail you went out of your way to express the essence of May is indeed impressive! From her expressive eyes to the flush in her complexion down to the careful placement of her freckles – perfect! And her gaze suggests a lot to us – who she is and what she wants us to know about her!

Of course, for being such an excellently crafted drawing, it has its share of flaws. For instance, while the crosshatching technique is done very skillfully in the areas viewers tend to notice first, there are other areas where it could have been done differently. Particularly near the breast area. The folds in her shirt beneath her breasts seem a little off. For next time, I would suggest using a quality crosshatching reference to better master this technique. Also, while I love the way you drew her hair I feel it could use more texture (like highlights) as well as more than just two values to allow this feature to pop out more, even though this is generally a simple style. When I look at the way you did Nazz’s hair for instance, it blows me away! May’s is still skillfully drawn but overall a little boring by comparison. I also feel the range of tones and the amount of contrast in her eyes could use more variety. They seem a bit flat, though it’s a fairly a nice shade.

Other than that, this is one of my favourite pieces from you, it’ll never fail to impress me. Keep up the excellent work, Asante!

The Artist thought this was FAIR


Selected Favourite Artists:

If you haven't already and might be interested, check out the galleries of my sister Sarahfina-Rose and my father Shariyat. They're a bit under appreciated but produce some decent work, in my opinion. Have a look:

The Son of a Shepherd Progress 2 by Sarahfina-Rose Merida Progress by Sarahfina-Rose Please Don't Go to Scarborough Fair Photo 17 by Sarahfina-Rose Christine Daae Cosplay 6 by Sarahfina-Rose Moja Zydowska Krew- Mike Wazowski for Asante Final by Sarahfina-Rose Rough Sketch of Mononoke 2 by Sarahfina-Rose Berlyn Konrad Giovanna Concept by Sarahfina-Rose Satin Rose by Sarahfina-Rose The Rose She Left Behind by Sarahfina-Rose Chinese Mona Lisa by Sarahfina-Rose The Serpent's Code Concept Art by Sarahfina-Rose Musashi I by Sarahfina-Rose

Mature Content

Alter Ego by Shariyat
All Elements of Art Contest by Shariyat Rose by Shariyat Reflection by Shariyat

Mature Content

The Goddess of Destruction Detail 1 by Shariyat

Mature Content

The Goddess of Destruction by Shariyat

Mature Content

The Goddess of Destruction Photo Set by Shariyat

My cousin lone-bean takes some acceptable photographs as well:

Neighborhood Sunset by lone-bean Road to the City of Gold by lone-bean Streaks of Gold by lone-bean Surrender to Purple by lone-bean Fire Dust by lone-bean Leave by lone-bean Walk Along by lone-bean Sideshot by lone-bean River Rocks by lone-bean Raspberry Skies by lone-bean Retreat by lone-bean Falling for Autumn by lone-bean Takeover by lone-bean Laying With the Leaves by lone-bean

Also, you're more than welcome to check out rensuchan's gallery:

On the Hunt by rensuchan Lady Merida by rensuchan How can I Change My Fate... by rensuchan Ready to Fire by rensuchan

Feel free to check out Queen-Asante/AsktheSonofaShepherd's gallery, one of my very good friends. She's pretty amazing:

Elisa Gibbs by Queen-Asante Ezeke again by Queen-Asante Elisa Gibbs in EEnE Style by Queen-Asante Red Socks for Karla by Queen-Asante Do We Look Like Love-Birds? by AsktheSonofaShepherd Ivy Ezayre, Age 12 by Queen-Asante May Kanker by Queen-Asante Nazz by Queen-Asante

Mature Content

Rape Jokes Aren't Funny by AsktheSonofaShepherd
43 by Queen-Asante RUN FOR YOUR LIVES by AsktheSonofaShepherd Bodies Are Not Sexual by Queen-Asante Realistic Etnad by Queen-Asante Wings of Crippled Glass by Queen-Asante The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Queen-Asante Dear Friend the Moon by Queen-Asante Le Congres by Queen-Asante Run Like the Wind Etnad by Queen-Asante ITalia by Queen-Asante

Furthermore, another talented acquaintance of mine, ZawArt. This dude's talent is insane (and yet, he compliments my mediocre abilities ):

Even Death by ZawArt Khaleesi by ZawArt Hazel by ZawArt Shaman by ZawArt Annie In The Forest by ZawArt Women 4 by ZawArt DreamDust by ZawArt Kat by ZawArt Odrobinka by ZawArt Azyriel by ZawArt Magda by ZawArt Chrismas by ZawArt Mother by ZawArt Rose by ZawArt Gosia The Witch by ZawArt Witchcraft by ZawArt KatieBloo by ZawArt Klaudia by ZawArt Funeral Wooden Triptych by ZawArt

Lastly, another artist acquaintance with superb pencil work and other traditional/digital media, Felt-heart:

.:Dulin Aran:. by Felt-heart Passing of Light by Felt-heart The Last Rose of Summer by Felt-heart The House of Elrond by Felt-heart The Grayhoud by Felt-heart The Wild Rover by Felt-heart Serenity by Felt-heart Hawthorn Tree by Felt-heart Elvan Palace by Felt-heart The Black Citadel by Felt-heart Nymph by Felt-heart Antoinette by Felt-heart Fortune by Felt-heart Marauders Studying by Felt-heart Alice by Felt-heart Puppets by Felt-heart Robin Hood and Maid Marian by Felt-heart Traveling Under the Stars by Felt-heart



Elisa Gibbs by JDNight
Elisa Gibbs
:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz: :iconccwelcomedplz1::iconccwelcomedplz2:

Finished version of this WIP

A young girl of seventeen sat on her single bed sighing, rubbing a bruise that was forming now on her right cheek. She had curly dark brown curls that hit the middle of her back... It was late at night and she hadn't bothered to say anything to her parents about the bullies at school. She had grown used to the fact that they didn't care about her... She wished that she could be treated like she was a human being and not dirt.

—Excerpt from Metamorphosis: A New Beginning, Chapter 1 (2012)

For River/Dark-Crescent-Moon of her frequent collaborator, MrsDecepticonQueen's character Elisa Gibbs. River often does the artwork of the character and both ladies work on the stories surrounding the character. She is the main character of several of their stories, including Scream is Power and the chilling Metamorphosis along with its many equally gripping spin-offs. This is a ''sorry gift'' for River to mend something I said to her awhile ago. I don't need to elaborate.

I've had her done for awhile now, as far back as 24 June (and my last log in here was 11 June?), but I was experiencing some technical difficulties with my camera equipment as well as personal problems for awhile there, which kept me away from here. Everything is up and running again and prescribed Lexapro has been aiding with my depression and anxiety (although it's making me a little too high as a kite, I must admit). Sorry for the delay.

Media: German Faber-Castell pastel pencils, soft pastel

Time of Completion: 21 hours


Artwork. Copyright © 2014-15 by J.D. Night Ghobhadi
Some rights reserved.

Elisa Gibbs © by MrsDecepticonQueen
Original Character Art © by River/Dark-Crescent-Moon
All rights reserved.
662 deviations
316 deviations


Artist | Student | Film & Animation
LiveJournal | The In-Between Nightmare.Tumblr | The Train At King's Cross (a Harry Potter blog) | Flickr: crimson sage

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I don't exactly ''stan'' for this destructive pairing but they were pretty cute as kids.

Conceptual Sketcher | Amateur Photographer | Writer-in-Progress | Transgender | Asexual | Asperger's & OCD (diagnosed by Dr. Barbara Parry, Ph.D) | Human

:iconthanksforthe01plz::iconthanksforthe02plz::iconthanksforthe03plz::iconthanksforthe04plz: :iconthanksforthe01plz::iconthanksforthe02plz::iconthanksforthe03plz::iconthanksforthe05plz:
:heart:You're welcome in return!:heart:

“There is only one race, and that is the human race. You can’t cure stupid, but you can change ignorance.”
--Jane Elliott

Genderqueer Stamp by sunbirdsLGBT+ Stamp by Kezzi-RoseAsexual Stamp by sunbirds
Mental illness isn't 'cool' by shadowlight-oakbeyond gender by Sierra-plzLGBT stamp by Bourbons3Inspiration Stamp, 100 Feet and Closing by endlerInspirational Stamp off the Port Bow by endler
STAMP - Gay NO disease by DraguendoPride :Stamp: by LauNachtyrLove Knows No Gender by CK-NoNameNone of the Above Stamp by ninetails390

Artwork by chotpot/*Edit (3 April 2014): A Comic About Gender by RainbowBruises on deviantART

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Source(s): 1 | 2

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Stamp: I Read BANNED Books by tranimation-artdA stamp - Writing is art, too by Valen-sanMy Characters STAMP by NocturnalMelody9I Support Imagination stamp by c3ph31dW r i t e r s  S t a m p by RainbowJuiceProud Writer Stamp by KTWizardRead it or Lose it by IaiaRosePotter Books :stamp: by Amblygonstamp - don't judge a book... by Daeg-Nihtstamp - don't judge a movie... by Daeg-Niht


''JK Rowling created seven Horcruxes. She put a part of her soul in every book and now her books will live forever.''
--Stephen King


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:bulletgreen:Useful Critique Guide | How to give a Critique | How to Give Better Comment - (Edited Version)


ARR by JacqChristiaan
Not that I claim to be any good, but I'd still appreciate if the greatest respect was given for my work.

Deviation Buttons: Anti Theft by Metadream Deviation Buttons: Anti Base by Metadream
Deviation Buttons: AntiRecolor by Metadream Deviation Buttons: Anti Trace by Metadream Deviation Buttons: Anti Stock by Metadream Deviation Buttons: No Requests by Metadream Deviation Buttons: Lineart 2 by Metadream
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I only give points to close friends who deserve it and for good causes (i.e. groups that support the fight against abuse, rape, cancer, passive racism and sexism, hate crimes against the LGBTQ community, etc.), sorry.

:star:Awesome Causes/Groups I Support::star:

Subtlety, via Tumblr

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We Survived Stamp by shanokeeWhite ribbon by BlueRavenAngelStop Child Porn Stamp by ppgrainbowSurvivor. by Not-Thinkyes they do by DametoraMale Rape Stamp by shadowlight-oakIt's not exclusive by SwimmingferretAnti-Racism by KeykeySay No To Racism by ZeKRoBzSRacism Stamp by xXPariahsXxStamp: Reverse Racism by 8manderz8Misandry Exists by genkistamps:Breast Cancer Awareness by paramoreSUCKSBoys and girls: They can like what they like by RoliStamps.:: Animal Rights Stamp V2 ::. by loneantarcticwolfHelp Stop Child Abuse by Mr-StampSame-sex stamp by StarymotoGender Equality by LingYaoHuman Rights Stamp by honeyhalliwellJust Say NO by DametoraNo Stereotypes by silentbattlecryAnti-Rape Stamp by Sorceress2000Gender Norms Stamp by SpikytasticNot gender specific by shadowlight-oaksexism stamp by piratekit

:iconsex-abuse-awareness: :iconchildabuseawareness: :icona-safe-haven: :iconwesurvived: :iconvictimsunited: :iconwingsofcrippledglass: :iconmental-illnessclub: :iconlgbt-pride: :iconlgbt-on-da: :iconlgbt-prideandart: :iconequalitopia: :iconlgbt-supportsystem: :iconspreading-awareness: :iconchildabusesurvivors: :iconthesilenceofvictims: :iconwrite2livecancerfree: :iconartagainstracism: :iconthe-human-race: :iconanti-discrimination: :iconno-more-ignorance: :iconimmigreat: :iconsecular-human:

"You don't have to be gay to be a supporter -- you just have to be human."
--Daniel Radcliffe

“Don’t deny differences. Accept them, appreciate them, recognise them, and cherish them. They are extremely important.”

“Because we are still conditioning people in this country and, indeed, all over the globe to the myth of white superiority. We are constantly being told that we don’t have racism in this country anymore, but most of the people who are saying that are white. White people think it isn’t happening because it isn’t happening to them.''

“I’m sorry, but…I cannot shed tears for a young white female in this exercise who knows that this is an exercise, who knows that this is temporary, who knows that she is getting one hour of college credit for being here. I’m sorry, but I have to save my sympathy and empathy for those who have to go through something much worse than this every single day.”

--Jane Elliott

"In this country, ‘American’ means white. Everybody else has to hyphenate."
--Toni Morrison


Current Residence: Across the Unnamed River Lies Two Sides of the Moon Where Reality & Fantasy is Blurred, Otherwise the In-Between Nightmare
Favourite genre of music: Celtic, Movie/Video Game Soundtracks + Movie Trailer Soundtracks, Indie Rock, Rock 'n' Roll, Soul Rock, some Musicals, 60s 70s 80s Classics, just about anything unique
Favourite photographer: Steve McCurry, Elena Kalis, Nadia Moro, Sally Mann, Bill Henson, David Hamilton, Mary Ellen Mark, Jaap Buitendijk
Favourite style of art: Realism, Surrealism, Other
Favourite deviant Artists: Queen-Asante, Sarahfina-Rose, Shariyat, lone-bean, Dark-Crescent-Moon, Felt-heart, ZawArt, rensuchan
Favourite Fictional Character(s): The Outcasts, the Misunderstood, the Flawed, the Rebels, the Calculating, the Snarky, the Survivors, the Tragic - Jean Valjean (The Boss), Agrin (Turtles Can Fly), Severus Snape, Luna Lovegood, Hermione Granger, Katniss Everdeen, Rue, Lisbeth Salander, Lisa Rowe, Eric (Phantom of the Opera), Elphaba Thropp (Gregory Maguire's book, not the crap musical), Heathcliff, Jane Eyre, Carrie White, Frankenstein's Monster (or ''Adam,'' Mary Shelley's book - not the movies), Atticus Finch, Mr Darcy, Cassie Ainsworth, Franky Fitzgerald, Princess Nausicaa (Hayao Miyazaki), Eeyore, George Lundgren (formerly Nordgren), Ivy Walker, Gabriel Velvet Moss (created by MrsDecepticonQueen & Dark-Crescent-Moon, respectively), Briony Tallis, Hanna Heller (Joe Wright's Hanna), Sansa & Arya Stark, Unique Adams, Hushpuppy (Beasts of the Southern Wild), India Stoker, Helga Pataki, Mojo Jojo, HIM, Marla Singer (Fight Club), Mathilda (Léon), Soraya; Wolrah & Etnad (created by Queen-Asante, respectively)
Favourite Film (All Time): Turtles Can Fly (2004)

Inspirational Person(s) (Fictional, Legend, Dead or Alive): beckie0, Marina Golbahari, Joan of Arc, Hua Mulan, JK Rowling, Bahman Ghobadi, Nelofer Pazira, Sacheen Littlefeather, Janis Joplin, Laura Nyro, Brandon Teena, David Reimer, Jane Elliott (''blue eyes/brown eyes'' exercise), Deepa Mehta, Malala Yousafzai, Janet Mock
Personal Quote(s): ''The creative adult is the child who survived.''
''Life is a nail in the anus.''
''Humans... we're the Creator's amazing fuck-ups.''

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Cross-posted here to LiveJournal

[Note: I was forced to shorten the title from my original LiveJournal post, but only just. Thanks, DeviantArt for allowing such little room for subjects.]

Victoria Frances_Arlene's Heart_1
Artwork © 2006 by Victoria Francés, courtesy of her Official Website

Lately, I've been experiencing some intense emotional and mental stress related problems that could partially explain my prolonged ''absence'' from here that found me seeking therapy for the first time in a long while (I quote 'absence' because while I have been logging in every once in awhile to clear away notifications and read through entries, neither have I been speaking much to anyone these days due to personal affairs nor have I been posting publicly so my lurking has been quite invisible; it's nothing personal, honestly but who knows how long this will last at this point?). While I don't want to get into extreme details, I spent the large part of my afternoon today/yesterday (4 March) in one of these ''therapy retreats.'' While filling out the dreadful paperwork that comes along with medical baggage, one of the check boxes didn't sit right with me. It was the first time I've ever encountered doctors asking for information in regards to sexual orientation and in many ways, I'm not even certain why this information is needed. Nevertheless, the options were:

- Gay
- Lesbian
- Bi-Sexual
- Transsexual
- Other
- Info not available

Now, what's immediately wrong with one of these options?

If it wasn't already clear by the subject title, transgender/transsexual identity is NOT the same thing as sexuality, holy fuck! The doctors that conjured up this file need to get their facts straight, bless my holy shit.


While I've said this before and I'll say it again for the umpteenth time: The sex we are assigned at birth by doctors in this kind of gender constructed society we live by based on whether we have what looks to be a penis, a vagina or ambiguous genitalia (which is often times wrongly corrected without receiving consent from the child) is separate from our gender, the way we identify ourselves that exists within our minds, not our genitals and both are separate from our sexual orientations. All of these things, we are born with; they are not choices contrary to some certain myths floating around. Meaning, anyone can be any combination of sex, gender and sexuality. They are too numerous to have them all listed here, obviously. And yet, these dumb fucks place transsexual, a gender identity under the category sexual orientation.

For the longest time about from 50's psychiatry to the 90's, transsexualism was confused as being an equivalent of cross-dressing or ''transvestitism'' (look it up; they're not remotely the same), mostly among ''males who dress in women's clothing'' as a ''desire to be the opposite sex'' or ''receive sexual gratification'' through ''fetishistic intentions,'' therefore transsexualism and cross-dressing were considered to be a ''sexual paraphilia'' or a ''sexual deviation'' of some sort. In this sense, doctors once upon a time could have incorrectly considered a person who identifies as transsexual or a person who cross dresses as ''suffering'' from a ''disordered'' sexual orientation or behaviour similar to how homosexuality was viewed. Well, all of this is terribly wrong from a modern viewpoint. Unfortunately, there are many times where both transsexualism and cross-dressing is still considered, from an outdated perspective, as a ''sexual and/or gender disorder.''

Moving on, there is also a marginal difference between someone who is transgender and someone who is transsexual.

As quoted from Diffen since I can't word it better myself:

Transgender is:

An umbrella term that refers to those with identities that cross over, move between, or otherwise challenge the socially constructed border between the genders. While this can include medical or social transition, it may not.

While transsexual is:

A term referring to a person who does not identify with the sex they were assigned at birth and wishes, whether successful or not, to realign their gender and their sex through use of medical intervention.

Like anyone with half a brain could determine, being transgender and/or transsexual is completely related to gender, not sexuality. Like cis people, non-binary, non-gender conforming people can be any sort of sexual orientation under the sun because it is completely irrelevant to their assigned sex and gender identity.

Therefore transgender/transsexual people can be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, etc.

Meaning, for whatever transgender and/or transsexual person that comes across this idiotic doctor's office document I had to fill out will be at a complete loss. I, for one, was sure as hell stumped.  

Most of those who I have been writing to for six years or less now are aware that I identify as both asexual (a sexual identity where I find myself emotionally attracted to girls yet not desiring sex with them) and gender non-conforming. (Speaking of my sexuality, this is not to say all asexual people are like me since I only speak for my own experiences. I recommend a great myth-busting article that was originally shared by logospilgrim/logospilgrim who is also asexual. Thanks, love.)

From the time I was about 18 or 19 or so, I finally discovered that my inner feelings towards both my sexuality and gender identity that I had started to become more aware of by the time I was 10 (where I went through what others around me called my ''tomboy phase,'' need I not pull out those awkward, ugly photographs to prove it, yet it wasn't a phase at all since it never truly went away) were not products of a ''disorder'' but that they were natural, they had names and that I was not alone in my self-discovery and confusion.

When I Was a Girl
Aged 8-years-old, Grade 2/Year 3, 2001-02, two years before my ''tomboy phase'' where I matured and grew ugly. What happened?

Practising with Self 4 (Outtake)
Self, 21 Feb. 2014, 4 months before I cut my hair.

Up until last spring, I openly identified as genderqueer, meaning I identified as neither male nor female or alternatively as both and preferred the gender neutral pronoun of ''they'' given I still wasn't quite sure about my gender identity even as I was hitting my 20's. Of course, this wasn't a phase and now at 21, how could it be? Adults don't experience phases like teenagers do. Lately however, I've been feeling even more conflicted towards identifying as genderqueer and (while I was waiting to ''reveal'' this through a much more concise, clearly composed journal entry to post here on LiveJournal and to DeviantArt which I have been drafting since last summer, that old draft is just too damn all over the place so, in the time being, here goes) I have since been slowly realising that I may actually be FTM transgender, which I have been casually mentioning to people whenever the topic of gender is brought up.

Without getting into explicit details, I went through some drastic changes this past year during the spring and summer of 2014: preferring the gender pronouns of only ''he'' or ''they'' if remembering ''he'' is too difficult for others (and it usually is; two acquaintances who have known me for two to three years still incorrectly call me ''she'' no matter how many times I've told them not to); cutting my hair for the first time since I was 10 (which was super relieving; I'm definitely keeping it!); ordering my first ''safe'' breast binder (which I love!) opposed to the ace bandage I had been using up until I realised how dangerous this method is (for other non-binary people, please don't be stupid like me; if you find that a breast binder is not readily available to you, wearing two sports bras is a much better option to the bandage which can ruin your health like a Victorian corset); and above anything else, I have been extensively researching options for hormone replacement therapy, something I am considering doing by the time I'm at least 30 if not later. Not in the least, I plan to legally change my first name from Katherine or ''Kat'' (which I don't feel entitled to; Kat J./valkyrie-kat/ValkyrieKat is the only real Kat around here) to Ezra once I graduate from university.

Self Again
Self, 22 Nov. 2014

While genderqueer people are very diverse in their individual identities and can sometimes receive physical modification through hormones and surgery, being FTM transgender is merely something I've realised for myself. By the time I'm at least 35 or 50, I can clearly see myself living as a man with a vagina on hormones and for health reasons, with a double mastectomy, chest contouring and a hysterectomy done (I say ''for health reasons'' because HRT can put one at risk for developing breast and uterine cancer, unfortunately). The possibility of sex reassignment surgery through a metoidioplasty or a phalloplasty is not something I really want to think about right now and may skip this procedure altogether for personal and financial reasons. (Sometimes, this is incorrectly referred to as gender reassignment surgery which makes absolutely no sense; people who go through SRS are reassigning their sex, those pretty parts in-between one's legs, not gender, the internal sense of identity of being a boy/man, girl/woman, both, neither or other.)

While I told only two people about this so far, Kat/valkyrie-kat/ValkyrieKat and Asante/queen-asante/Queen-Asante (you guys know who you are), this past summer of 2014, I had to undergo disability resource testing in the education centre for my university after failing one of my prereq courses (despite testing at a high IQ being an Aspie and whatnot which I won't boast about because it means nothing to me—as long as I live on this planet, I eat, sleep, piss and shit just like everyone else—this is not to say I don't have cognitive disabilities pertaining to other things, a lot of which includes just basic social and life skills; ah, the perks having autism). And while I was only there to diagnose my learning disability in a certain subject I will not name, I nevertheless had to go through a general psychology undertaking as part of the department's psychology and psychiatry research programme. Over the course of several weeks, briefly, I discussed gender with this psychologist and confidentially (meaning this information didn't leave the evaluation room and was not related to my mother), she diagnosed me with ''gender dysphoria'' or ''gender identity disorder,'' a psychiatric label which I never agreed with since how can an identity be a disorder? Now, I do have an anxiety disorder that does mess up with my ability to function, but I do not see my gender problems as being related to having a mental illness.

I do get depressed and anxious sometimes, yes (and these feelings aren't always related to my gender since, like I said, I do have a mental health problem to deal with) but I do not feel this way because of my gender identity. I feel this way sometimes because of society, how being openly transgender is a daily struggle. I do not feel disordered in any way when it comes to my identity; rather I feel society is disordered. One only has to look at the cases of Brandon Teena, Liz Eden and most recently the suicides of Leelah Alcorn and Zander Mahaffey to understand the kind of severe lack of understanding and hatred we may face once we ''come out.'' GID is commonly diagnosed in people when they report or express feelings of emotional stress or discontent with their sex and gender, which heavily implies there is something wrong with the person and not society that socially constructs gender binaries to begin with.

As quoted from Wikipedia as cited from Newman 352-9, 2002 and Fraser et. al. 80-5, 2010:

Many transgender people and researchers support declassification of GID because they say the diagnosis pathologizes gender variance, reinforces the binary model of gender, and can result in stigmatization of transgender individuals. The official classification of gender dysphoria as a disorder in the DSM-5 may help resolve some of these issues, because the term gender dysphoria applies only to the discontent experienced by some persons resulting from gender identity issues.

By that same logic then, my sexual orientation of asexuality would be considered ''hypoactive sexual desire disorder'' in the psychiatric field, a diagnosis that should be removed altogether along with GID given it too has come under similar criticisms.

Now, going back to that doctor paperwork...

As obvious as this may be, I needed therapy for an unrelated problem that has no significance to my gender. I have a certain anxiety disorder that has been present for some time but has gotten intensely out of control in the last two weeks. At this point in time, I have not yet ''come out'' to my mother, who accompanied me today, about my gender even though I have tried, and failed, in the past. Neither have I told her about my asexuality, although when the time does come for that, I am significantly less worried. I told her about my cousin, her niece ''coming out'' to me as being pansexual and she was totally accepting of it (previously, she had thought she was bisexual, and being 17, she has all the time in the world to discover her identity; others shouldn't take this to mean that she changed her sexuality but merely, she came to a different realisation like I have with my gender).

Edit (10 March 2015):

Rainbow Girl by JDNight

For whatever reason, gender is much more difficult to ''come out'' about given the lack of understanding of what gender actually is in society and the fact that it's far more visible than sexuality. By contrast, sexuality is usually very invisible. Unlike gender, you can't determine someone's sexuality just by looking at them. Though this isn't to say that people who are a sexual orientation other than straight don't experience discrimination and hate crimes. We all know this isn't true. Because sexuality isn't completely invisible; it's usually just less visible than gender.

Given that not only was my mother with me who has no knowledge of my identity but because the inclusion of transsexual as a sexual orientation and not a gender identity made absolutely no fucking sense to me whatsoever, what was I forced to check off? Only the next best option to all of this bull: ''Info not available.''

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Hi beautiful !!<3333 just wanted to say that you are an awesome person and so beautiful inside and outside, in case no one has told you!! You are capable of so much and deserve to be happy and I hope life is really good for you. Wishin you all the best!!<33 I also hope you can compliment or share the love with someone else too because the world needs more kindness and love!<3
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